What is God? The Mormon Version

Do you believe in God? If there is a God or Gods, what are the characteristics of divinity?

I was raised to believe that Heavenly Father was a perfected man who had once been mortal, lived, died, been resurrected, and then been perfected. For some reason Christians find this to be non-Biblical and non-Christian. I'm not sure why since the Bible teaches that Jesus lived before he was born, that he was the mortal offspring of Heavenly Father and Mary, that he was killed, died, was resurrected in a perfect and immortal state, and that he then ascended into heaven to join Heavenly Father in his perfection. While the Mormon doctrine is unique and heretical to many, it isn't unreasonable even if it challenges traditional beliefs about God.

Mormon doctrine takes the next logical step and proclaims that as children of God, we have the same capacity for perfection and deity within us. Many think this diminishes God, but I always felt that this showed a truly almighty God that was secure in his perfection and willing to share it with everyone willing to follow his laws. Don't be fooled by the fact that the current Mormon prophet, "Doesn't know that we teach that." I don't know a single active Mormon that is unaware of this doctrine and in fact this doctrine is central to both Mormon doctrine and also its practice. It is for this very reason that every believing Mormon aspires to attend the temple, because they believe that it is only through completing all of the ordinances in the temple that they can hope to receive their "exaltation" which is to live in heaven with God and to become as he is.

Mormons believe in a personal God that actively interferes in the daily lives of his children. How he does this is a mystery, but they believe that he answers prayers, heals people, manipulates the weather, influences the behavior of both the righteous and the wicked, reveals truths to anyone that asks and has the spiritual sensitivity to receive the answer, and generally does anything that he needs to do to achieve his ends.

The key to receiving God's blessings is to live his commandments which have been revealed to his prophets. Joseph Smith received a revelation that tells us that God can actually be bound, that is obligated, to bless us. The revelation says that for every blessing there is an associated law. If you want the blessing then you must live the law. But further, if you live the law the God is obligated to give the blessing.

One of the basic commandments is that we should fast and pray. Through fast and prayer we can come to know God's will through the Holy Ghost or Spirit. The Spirit is often referred to as a still small voice. Some people claim to actually hear voices, but I don't know any of them. Most are taught that the Spirit gives us feelings. Another revelation from Joseph Smith describes how to tell if something is true. You must pray diligently and try to work out the answer in your mind. Then you ask God if what you have formulated is true. If it is, then you will feel a burning in the bosom or a feeling of peace or rightness. This is the Spirit bearing witness. If it not right, then you will feel a "stupor of thought". This is a feeling of wrongness that will erase the thing that is not right from your mind. You can read about the process in D&C 9.

As a result of these teachings, Mormons tend to be very conscious of rules and are very focused on trying to keep the commandments to the best of their ability. Non-Mormons like to accuse Mormons of believing that salvation is through works, not grace. But this isn't true. It's just that they don't believe that God will be mocked and that simply "accepting Jesus" gets you an E ticket ride to heaven. They believe that you much accept Jesus, but the Book of Mormon teaches that people are saved by the grace of Jesus after all that they can do.

They also try to be very sensitive to their feelings and try to distinguish between those feelings that are ordinary feelings and those that may be the promptings of the Spirit. And they believe that those promptings can come regarding every aspect of their life including work, finances, and politics.

While I was growing up I had a few powerful spiritual experiences that I believed were manifestations of the Spirit. These feelings were very strong and confirmed my belief in God. I know Mormons, including my father, who have never felt a burning in the bosom. But I've had that sensation twice. My first such experience was when I was about 11 or 12. This will probably sound stupid to you, but I had spent some time one evening organizing the things I needed to do each day into a numbered list. I then put these numbers in a pocket notebook where I could put the numbers on a sheet for each day that I would check off. I guess even at that young age I was already struggling with my general lack of organization. I finished this up and was quite happy and pleased with the prospects of improving myself. I knelt down for my evening prayers and as I did I felt an intense pleasurable warmth in my chest that I instantly recognized as the Spirit witnessing with a burning in the bosom. To me it was a witness that God was aware of me and pleased with the path that I was on. It exactly fit the descriptions in the scripture.

I went to college when I was 16. I was very smart and self-reliant for my age, but I was painfully immature socially and had the paradoxical combination of a huge ego and very low self esteem. I also suffered from crippling migraines and depression. One evening I'd had a terrible migraine attack. My head was throbbing and I was terribly depressed. I felt lonely, alone, unloved, and completely unhappy with simply existing. In this state I knelt down on my knees and prayed and soon felt that comforting warmth fill my chest and expand like a pleasant wave through my body. The best analogy I can make is that it was like a smooth, non-sexual orgasm that left me comforted and reassured that someone out there loved me and that things would be ok. I got up at peace and was able to go to sleep and continue on with my life in a much better state of mind. This was an example to me of the Spirit acting as a Comforter as described in the New Testament.

While I was a freshman at the Lord's university (BYU for those who didn't know) I read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover. As I read it I felt a certain rightness and I just couldn't imagine that Joseph Smith could have possibly made it up. It seemed to be full of teachings and stories that were very helpful in knowing how we should live our lives. It beautifully describes doctrines like faith, grace, atonement, and redemption and is full of moralistic stories where bad people are consistently punished for disobedience and the righteous are rewarded for their good deeds. I interpreted the feelings of rightness as further spiritual witnesses of the truth of the Mormon church.

I continued to study church doctrines and it always seemed consistent and comforting. These feelings carried over to my church mission where I served for almost two years in Bolivia teaching the people there in Spanish about Joseph Smith and the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I was always reading church books about doctrine and history and felt that I was very knowledgeable about the church although there was always more to learn.

So how is it that I am where I am at today? This post is long enough so I'll continue this later.

Catching Up

It's been a while since I posted so I guess I have some catching up to do. Part of it is that I've been trying to work lots of overtime as I stress over paying for college for my son, classes for my wife's teacher certification, horse crap for my daughters, etc. I'm making more money than ever before and yet there never seems to be enough. I guess it just proves that wants are infinite; no matter how much money you make you'll always want more.

Between working, running, physical therapy, and life in general I've just felt really busy, but I think the reason I haven't posted is more because I let myself sink into a bit of depressive funk that left me not really giving a rat's ass about much. I could whine about it but it would probably make as little sense as the thought's of most depressed people. Let's just say that on more days than not it feels like life sucks.

On the up side I did my last session of physical therapy three weeks ago. I still get some pain and soreness on faster runs and after hard runs, but it clears up quickly and doesn't slow me down at all. I'm still limiting myself to three runs a week, but I'm up to as much as 30+ miles per week and all of those runs are quality runs with either longer distances or faster paces. I had my first race of the season a couple of weeks ago and finished only about 30 seconds off my personal best so things are progressing pretty well. In fact, my legs are feeling fresher and my gate is feeling smoother than I've felt in over a year. I'm continuing the experiment of less running and more low impact cross training. it will be interesting to see if I can continue to improve my fitness and performances. The next test is a 10 miler in a week.

I'm doing the Dallas Half Marathon with a friend in early December. It's his first half and I'm looking forward to running it with him. I set my PR in the marathon at Dallas last year. This isn't a goal race for me, but it is only a month before the Houston Marathon so it will be my last race before I take a shot at breaking four hours in the marathon. At that point I'll only have one or two more long runs before I start my taper so my conditioning will be pretty much done at that point.

When Good Men Do Evil Things

Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing bad things, but for good people to do bad things, it takes religion.

Steven Weinberg, Nobel Laureate in physics

In the mid-1990s I was an assistant ward librarian and one Sunday I was browsing the bookshelves in the church library and saw "The Mountain Meadows Massacre" by Juanita Brooks. I think I'd heard about the MMM growing up in the church, but never knew any details. I think that the only thing I knew was that it was an Indian massacre that enemies of the church tried pin on the innocent and righteous Mormons. I have always loved church history so I took the book home. Like polygamy, what I found was very unsettling. It turned out that the massacre involved the Indians, but was actually instigated and carried out by the Mormons against a wealthy wagon train of Arkansas natives passing through Utah on the way to California. They wrongly believed that the wagon train consisted of people who had participated in the mobbing of Mormons in Missouri and Illinois and people who had murdered Joseph and Hyrum Smith and who had recently murdered the apostle Parley P. Pratt in Arkansas. They initially convinced local Indians to attack the wagon train, but when the Indians didn't finish the job they called out the local Mormon militia who came to the pioneers' "rescue" by escorting them out of their encircled wagons under a flag of truce and with a promise of protection and then executed over 120 unarmed and peaceful men, women, and children at point blank range. The only survivors were 16 or 17 children that were too young to tell tales.

The Mountain Meadows Massacre is back in the public consciousness due to its date, 9/11/1857, and the recent release of the movie "September Dawn". The church even has an article about the massacre in its monthly magazine, The Ensign. I'd encourage you to read the article since it's pretty short. Even though the church is trying to portray it as favorably for the church as it can, it is still pretty stomach churning. Unfortunately, the article follows the familiar church strategy of simply failing to tell the whole story because the rest of the story is so much worse.

The church protected the mass murderers for over twenty years and then finally gave the government a scape goat: John D. Lee. Last night I read his confession and I'd encourage you to read it because it gives a chilling account of how religious fervor and fanaticism can drive otherwise good men to commit such an heinous atrocity.

What's not clear from either of these articles is the involvement of Brigham Young in setting the entire chain of events into motion and then finally justifying it as a righteous thing that was pleasing to God. Young's justification of it and coverup are described by Lee. But the following information from RandyJ is also very helpful since it it pretty complete. Anyone who doubts that the Mormon temple oaths of secrecy, bloody penalties, and oaths of vengeance were more than symbolic should read Lee's confession and consider the literal realization of those temple covenants on a remote meadow in the Utah mountains.

I could say more, but I'd really rather encourage you to learn about this episode by reading the above articles. It's very pertinent to this day and time because it helps show how fanaticism, religious or ideological, can lead to events such as 9/11/1857 and 9/11/2001 as well other atrocities.

One Step At a Time

I'm trying something new this year and signed up for a marathon training program with Rogue Running. I'm mostly doing it for the social aspect, but I'm also hoping to get help from the coaches to take my running to a higher level. I kick off the season tomorrow with a 7 mile run around Town Lake and I'm pretty excited to see what I can accomplish this year.

Right now my biggest challenge is going to be to monitor my hip pain and try to stay healthy. I went to the doctor 3 weeks ago and while he confirmed that I have mild bursitis in my hip, most of the pain I'm feeling is actually coming from my sciatic nerve which is probably originating with the sacroiliac (SI) joint. He suspects that this is due to muscle imbalances in my hip abductors (outer thigh) and gluteus medius so I'm currently going to a physical therapist once a week for some manipulations of my hip and lower back and for exercises to fix the muscle weakness. I also suspect piriformis syndrome. I had this problem and fixed it on the right using this stretch. But that stretch didn't replicate the pain on the left and wasn't resolving the pain so I was off to the doctor. Things are getting better, but there's still pain when I run. I at least have the consolation that it's not muscular, it's not getting worse, and so far they say it's okay to keep running. Actually, things feel a little better although there's still pain.

If all goes well, I'll be running the Houston Marathon on January 13 and the Austin Marathon on February 17. My goal this year is to get to 12% body fat and complete the marathon in under 4 hours. If I lose the weight then the second part will easily fall into place. I'm optimistic that I'll actually be able to run significantly faster than that, but I'm trying to stay reasonable and set myself for success.

Are Educated People More Religious?

The Mormon prophet recently stated:

A study was made some years ago that indicated the higher the education, the greater the faith and participation in religious activity.

I was curious what study this might be because I'm pretty sure that this is not, in general, the case. It is also interesting that he mentions that it was made some time ago. Sort of like the quote that continues to circulate in the church curriculum about the dangers of caffeine as a justification for the church's prohibition of coffee and tea. Imagine my shock to learn that his reference is another church magazine:

5. From “Rise Up, O Men of God,” Ensign, Nov. 2006, 61.

Great, so he's quoting from another article in a church magazine. This just happens to reference his own talk in General Conference where he originally bemoaned the fact that the men of the church were falling behind the women in education. However, that article does not provide a reference so I guess we'll have to just take his word for it and trust that the study was from a credible source.

A quick Google yielded the following from Wikipedia:

In The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins ^[5] cites an article by Paul Bell in Mensa Magazine, containing a meta-analysis of studies relating to the connection between religiosity and intelligence. Analyzing 43 studies, Bell found that all but four reported such a connection, and he concluded that "the higher one's intelligence or education level, the less one is likely to be religious or hold 'beliefs' of any kind."^[6]

Dawkins also discusses the very low percentage of notable scientists (Nobel prize winners, etc.) that are religious and that even those that are religious tend to be very unorthodox in their views and don't seem to take it very literally.

I think the more likely answer is that religion is more strongly linked with culture than education. Churches are full of people who are very religious and also very educated. So education certainly isn't orthogonal to religious belief and practice. But Western Europeans are as well educated (and perhaps more so) than their American counterparts and are very secular and not terribly religious. Education there doesn't seem to enhance religiousity.

I think my own experiences as a Mormon missionary are more typical. The wealthy and the well educated weren't interested in what I was selling. I taught almost exclusively to the poor and uneducated people of Bolivia and they were the only ones that I baptized. The church's greatest growth has been among the poor and uneducated in Latin America, not among the wealthy and educated. The church chalks this up to the pride of the wealthy and educated. They just lack the humility to accept the extraordinary claims. Either that or they have enough education, experience, and critical thinking ability to recognize a fraud when they see it.

The Church Youths' Attitudes Toward Education

They New Era also had the following quotes that speak for themselves.

3. True or false:
A good education is more important for young men than young women.

False.

President Hinckley’s counsel is clear: both young men and young women need to get as much education as they can (see “Seek Learning” on page 4 of this issue). His words are fresh on many teens’ minds as they consider their future.

“I love President Hinckley, and I think it’s cool that he’s stressing that we women get an education,” says Sydnee Barney of the Meridian Idaho Stake. “I think it would be cool to both be smart and be a mom—to be a smart mom.”

“The prophet sees us as equals,” says Camille. “He said it’s just as important for girls to have an education as the guys because both of our roles in the future are important.”

Ryan says, “If my future wife knew how to rear our children well, teach them things that they need to know for school, and help them out, I think that would be great. I think it helps to be with someone that’s around your educational level.”

Ty Harris of the Meridian Idaho Stake remembers President Hinckley’s recent counsel for boys to “rise up” when it comes to getting an education (see Ensign, Nov. 2006, 60–61). “He was straightforward about it. He said that women are getting more college education than men. I think men need to step up and become the caretaker of their family and provide for their family.”

Seek Learning (Especially if you're male?)

The New Era is the Mormon church's magazine for its youth. The September issue arrived in our home today and the First Presidency message for the month caught my eye: "Words of the Prophet: Seek Learning". The church has always stressed the importance of education and supports education through its church universities such as Brigham Young University. But its attitude about education for women has always been a mixed message so I was curious how that aspect of the message was treated in 2007. I guess I wasn't really surprised. Here are a few excerpts although you're welcome to read the entire article (it's linked on the title of this post). The fact that the counsel much be tailored for men and women should tell you something. Here are the relevant sections. I've highlighted and inserted my comments in italics.

Special Counsel for Girls

In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so. [This is code for the case in which she can't fulfill her divine calling as a wife and mother.]

The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it.7 I am grateful that women today are afforded the same opportunity to study for science, for the professions, and for every other facet of human knowledge. You are as entitled as are men to the Spirit of Christ, [The fact that he feels the need to point this out should tell you something. Apparently it's not clear otherwise or perhaps it speaks to common attitudes in the church. Still, it's nice that he's trying to counter it.] which enlightens every man and woman who comes into the world (see D&C 84:46).8

You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part.9 Set your priorities in terms of marriage and family [In other words, getting married and having kids is more important.], but also pursue educational programs which will lead to satisfying work and productive employment in case you do not marry [The prophet has already counseled that a wife and mother should stay home, not work.], or to a sense of security and fulfillment in the event you do marry [Again, if you get married you shouldn't pursue a career. In that case your education is a bauble or an insurance policy in case your marriage isn't successful.]. Education will increase your appreciation and refine your talent.

Special Counsel for Boys

No boy anxious to please his Heavenly Father would fail to take advantage of educational opportunities.11 But there is a troubling trend taking place. Young men are more likely to drop out of school than young women. Women have earned more bachelor’s degrees than men.

It is plainly evident that young women are exceeding young men in pursuing educational programs. [The implication here is that this is clearly a bad thing. There's no question whether or not you'd find this comment in the previous section if the opposite were true.] And so I say to you young men, rise up and discipline yourself to take advantage of educational opportunities. Do you wish to marry a girl whose education has been far superior to your own? [This is not the first time he has said this. He's also made the same comment in General Priesthood Meeting where it was met with laughter from the congregated men. Is it too much to ask what would be so bad about that?] We speak of being “equally yoked.” That applies, I think, to the matter of education. [In fact he's saying quite the opposite. He thinks that in education the man should strive to be superior in educational attainment to his wife.]

I knew a young couple that had recently graduated from college. The wife was very intelligent and had a masters in accounting while the husband wasn't nearly as smart or accomplished. She surrendered a likely successful career to stay at home and start a family because that is what the church teaches. While that's their choice, it would be refreshing if the church could consider that there might be equally acceptable alternatives such as another Mormon couple where the wife continued to pursue her successful engineering career while her husband sacrificed his job as a public school PE teacher to be a stay at home dad.

I'm a Total Geek

Here I am sitting in the back seat of the Suburban while my son drives to Lubbock where he's starting his freshman year at Texas Tech University and I'm on the web reading about publishing.

I have a Sprint PocketPC 6700 phone that is also a small computer with a slide out keyboard that has a word processor, email, web browser and more. I recently upgraded the firmware on it and noticed a new application called "Wireless Modem". I had been considering getting a wireless broadband card for my laptop, but didn't want to shell out $150 for the card and another $50 per month so I wondered if my phone could now be used to give my laptop access to the internet. After a call to Sprint I tentatively extended my contract for a year and signed up for their wireless broadband service for an extra $35 per month. Now all I have to do is start up the wireless modem application on my phone, connect it to the USB port of my laptop, dial up the internet, and voila! I have a high speed internet connection.

So far I've been using it for about 350 miles and several hours across BFE Texas without the connection dropping once. In fact, I'm composing this over my cell phone while traveling along at 65 miles per hour.

I guess that the fact that I find this really, really exciting means I'm a total geek.

Oh yeah. My cost justification? Over the last two weekends I've more than paid for the service for over a year by being able to book consulting fees while sitting at the car while I'm at the horse show with my daughter.

A Pain in the

A man walks into a doctor's office with a duck on his head.

"Can I help you?" asks the doctor.

"Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass," replies the duck.

Sorry. Relevance? Probably none except that the pain in my left hip that started in February's marathon hasn't gone away despite laying off running for 7 weeks. It's back with a vengeance now that I've started running again. I thought it was a muscle strain, but I think I've ruled that out. I thought maybe it was nerve pain, but I think I've ruled that out because there is local tenderness. One possibility is ITB syndrome. The iliotibial band is a ligament that runs from your hip to your knee on the outside of your leg. It often gets tight in runners and usually presents with pain on the outside of the knee, but it can cause hip pain too. But ITB stretches and exercises don't seem to help. My last choice is hip bursitis and that is what I think I'm suffering from. There is a small area of tenderness right on the point of the hip that feels "lumpy" as I massage it. So, I'm laying off running again, taking ibuprofen, massaging it, and doing hip stretches and exercises. It doesn't bother me so much during the day, but right now it aches at night and keeps waking me up.

Did You Know? Or Insipid News "Events"

Does anybody know what happened to Lindsay Lohan last week?

How about the ongoing saga of the hotel heiress? (Bet you know her name.)

Did you see the story about the news helicopters that crashed and killed their crews while broadcasting a pickup truck towing a trailer through city streets?

I think it's extremely likely that you know about at least one of the above stories because they've received extensive coverage. The real question is why. There is nothing inherently newsworthy in those stories other than satisfying people's morbid curiosity. I guess you could argue that if people are willing to watch it then the networks have a commercial obligation to give people what they want.

But I'd argue that this is just laziness. Inventive companies are often successful because they create a product that people never knew they wanted until they saw it. Take the iPod, for example. People weren't out clamoring for it. But once they saw it, they had to have it.

I think that the news networks have fallen into the trap of spooning out the same old shlock and aren't trying to figure out how to create interest around genuinely noteworthy events.

My own self-serving example?

How many of you know who Alan Webb is?

Chances are you have no idea or why he is in the news. He just broke a 25 year old American record for the mile. The old record was an incredible 3:47.69 set in 1982 by Steve Scott; Alan ran a 3:46.91 a couple of weekends ago at a small track meet in Belgium. Even today it is a major hurdle for runner to run a mile in less than 4 minutes. Alan did it as a senior in high school. It is just inconceivable what it takes to run it in 3:46, but the second 400m was actually slower than Steve Scott's pace so it is pretty easy to imagine Alan running under 3:46 with his current conditioning. His goal, however, is to break the world record. Hold your breath for this one. The world record was set in 1999 by Hicham El Guerrouj with a 3:43.13. If none of this boggles your mind, I invite you to head down to your local school track to run a mile.

Thanks to modern technology you can see Alan break the record. He's so fast it won't take long so head over to Flotracks.com and watch him.

Folks, that is a newsworthy event.

Validation

I started a book back in March and submitted a book proposal in June. I just got back feedback from a reviewer and the publisher and it was very positive and they want me to press forward. Unfortunately, not as interesting as Sideon's stories, but it'd be cool to be published even if it is a technical, geeky book. Then I'd literally become "the man that wrote the book" in my area of specialty.

The scary thing is that I actually need to get on a solid writing schedule because it's going to be a fairly long book.

Go West!

I don't take very many vacations, but I just got back from a good one. I used a couple of frequent flier tickets to jet the wife and me to Ft. Lauderdale and then rented a car for a weekend in Key West. I finally got to scuba dive on coral reefs and see lots of fish and sharks up close and personal. We also did lots of turisty things. Unfortunately, I'm now back home looking at a long short work week with a pile of work I left behind.

Here are a few of the hundreds of pictures I snapped while diving. Not all that great, but they give you an idea.

This nurse shark was just chilling out under the reef.


This is pretty typical; lots of fish sheltering under the reef trying not to become a meal for a bigger fish.


I was just minding my own business when I looked up to see a 6 foot long shark swimming straight at me. It took one whiff and swam on by.

Delusions

Upon All the Ships of the Seas

I rarely post over on RfM (Recovery from Mormonism) any more because it's a little hostile for my tastes (meaning disagreement is more often met with name calling and accusations of being a mormon apologist troll than any kind of reasoned debate) I still drop in for the occasional nugget information or juicy news.

Tonight I found one that addresses one of my few unanswered Mormon questions.

The title of this post should link to Brent Metcalf's web site which I'd never visited before. It has an essay about an interesting passage in the Book of Mormon.

While I was on my mission in Bolivia I diligently read every doctrinal and historical church book I could get my hands on. I remember reading about 2 Nephi 12:16. What's so important about that verse? Nothing from a doctrinal standpoint, but when you compare it to its corresponding verse in Isaiah 2:16 you'll see that it adds a phrase. The King James Bible says:

And upon all the ships of Tarshish, and upon all pleasant pictures.

But the Book of Mormon says:

And upon all the ships of the sea, and upon all the ships of Tarshish, and upon all the pleasant pictures.

The footnote in the Mormon edition of the King James Bibles makes the following claim which I found quite compelling:

16a The Greek (Septuagint) has “ships of the sea.” The Hebrew has “ships of Tarshish.” The Book of Mormon has both, showing that the brass plates had lost neither phrase.

For those unfamiliar with Mormon doctrine and the Book of Mormon, the Book of Mormon extensively quotes from the book of Isaiah in the Bible and is almost word for word identical to the King James version. The Book of Mormon states that the passages come from plates of brass that Nephi stole from their Jewish caretaker in Jerusalem prior to leaving for the promised land. Therefore, one would expect it to be a close to the original writings of Isaiah. This verse seems like evidence that the Book of Mormon preserved an obscure phrase that was dropped over the years as a result of translation or transcribing or something.

If Joseph Smith were plagiarizing the Bible, the how in the world could he have known to add back in that phrase that the Septuagint had, but was missing from his edition of the Bible? He couldn't have, right? Surely an unschooled farm boy couldn't have done this.

That is the argument of the church's apologists and since it agrees with their preconceived conclusions they stop there and don't dig deeper.

As with so many other things Mormon, the answer is quite simple. Click on the Book of Mormon link over on the mormonscripturestudies.com web site and you'll find a single essay by David P. Wright that provides a pretty straightforward explanation. Many bible commentaries of the time correctly explained that "ships of Tarshish" was commonly translated as ships of the sea and the proper noun "Tarshish" was commonly rendered as "sea" by translators.

To quote Wright's article:

The many pre-1829 editions of Thomas Scott's The Holy Bible Containing the Old and New Testaments (Philadelphia: 1810-12; New York: 1812-15; Boston: 1823-24, 1827) also cite Lowth's comment:

'Ships of Tarshish signify in scripture, any trading or merchant ships: accordingly here the Septuagint render the words "ships of the sea," as our old English translation does: Ps. xlviii. 7.' (Lowth.)[16]

¶16 The appearance of this datum in so many printed sources indicates that it was not obscure, but relatively well-known. Joseph Smith could have learned about it from any one of these commentaries, or, as is far more likely, from sermons he heard or conversations he had on biblical subjects with those who might have known this particular Bible "fact." Smith may have come by this bit of information specifically via Methodist influence, since John Wesley's teachings provided the matrix for Methodism—a religion for which Smith had felt a passing affinity.

If I'd know this, I wouldn't have been at all impressed by his inserting a footnote into the proper text as if he was restoring an ancient text instead of merely repeating two redundant translations. Of course, I also didn't know that the Isaiah chapters quoted in the Book of Mormon are almost exactly the same chapters quoted in Ethan Smith's "View of the Hebrews" which appears to have contributed a significant number of ideas to the Book of Mormon.

In the end, this has been the pattern of my study of Mormonism. As a believing Mormon I came across items that seemed contradictory or troubling but put them on a shelf believing that they'd eventually be clarified or answered in the church's favor. But as I started studying non church sources I systematically discovered the lies, distortions, misrepresentations, half truths, and omissions of the church and found explanations for all the things that sat on my shelf of questions gathering dust. In the process I had to put some things on another shelf of things that seemed to support the church and that I didn't have an explanation for. That shelf was pretty bare and this is the last item left that I'm aware of. All my reading had taken care of everything else.

Remember, the truth has nothing to fear and distrust any person or organization that tries to limit your information.

Taking a Break

I haven't posted much lately. Things have been hectic, but they always are so that's not really much of an excuse. I guess I just haven't felt a need to share.

I was talking to my sister the other day and she informed me that a couple of her friends missed the posts and want me to post more, just not about running. So I guess I'll apologize for boring you with the details of my running. I understand that it may seem irrelevant or boring, but it is actually quite important to me on a number of levels.

First, I only have one body and everything depends on it working properly. Running has cured my high blood pressure and helped relieve day to day stress. I also suffer from migraines which comes with an associated elevated risk of stroke so maintaining good cardiovascular fitness is important to protect by brain.

Second, it helps meet my need for competition. I'm only competing against myself, but that's enough. Having goals drives me to train and gives purpose to the training. It's disappointing when result don't come, but when I have a breakthrough race like I did in my last race of the season it feels great.

I don't think I wrote about it, but on May 19 I ran a 5k around the Texas state capitol. I averaged 7:36 per mile and beat my personal record by a minute and a half. I followed that up about an hour later by running the Congress Avenue Mile. My mile was relatively slow because my legs were shot from the 5k, but I'm still excited by my 5k performance a month later. But after I finished I realized that I needed to take a break. My hips hurt, I had sharp shooting pains in my right shin, my right foot was sore again and had started having shooting pains in the ball, and my hamstrings were very tight and tender. I'd started my marathon training at the beginning of August and trained hard with only a week break after the Dallas Marathon in December and two weeks after the Austin Marathon in February. I'd exceeded all of my goals, but now my body was starting to break down and needed a break.

So I actually haven't run since before Memorial Day. It's only been a little over 3 weeks, but it feels like forever. Am I really a runner? I don't feel any compulsion to put on my shoes and go out for run. In fact, I'm appreciating having a little bit more time each day. Part of me dreads starting running again but not for the reason you might think. I enjoy running, but I'm afraid that I'll be so out of shape that it won't feel good and that I'll be nearly starting over. Plus, I still have my niggling aches and pains.

I received notification that I didn't get a lottery spot in the New York Marathon so my winter marathon plans are up in the air but I'm thinking of doing the Marathons of Texas series and doing Dallas in December, Houston in January, and Austin in February. Regardless I won't start marathon training again until after Labor Day. Between now and then it will all be about losing weight, regaining flexibility, doing some strength training, and having an enjoyable summer.

Islam and World Peace

I finally finished my book on Islam and thought I'd follow up on what I learned.

The book met my expectations because it clearly articulated a belief system that is appealing and attractive and helped me understand why many good people can believe in Islam. As long as I restrained my critical thinking and an instinct to mentally rebut what he was saying I found myself agreeing with a lot of his philosophy and doctrine. In fact, at one point what he was saying resonated to the point where I felt that he was teaching a universal truth that would be helpful for me to follow.

It's tough for me to review an audio book because I have no text to refer to and as a result I'm really relating my recollections and what I received and perhaps not what the author originally intended, but I'll briefly relate the key points.

The author clearly and repeatedly stated that no follower of Islam would ever use violence or coercion or harm another person. Despite the teachings in the Koran and Hadith that can be used to justify violence, he believes that true Jihad is a spiritual battle using the spiritual tools of the teachings of the Koran to help each person conquer their natural "monkey man" and exemplify the divine attributes of God. This strongly follows Paul's teaching that the natural man is an enemy to God that must be conquered and also reminiscent of Paul's whole armor of the Gospel.

So, the whole point of Islam is to follow certain practices that aid people to overcome their 4 trillion and 10 thousand base attributes and learn to have the attributes of God. The author repeatedly used such numbers, but I suspect that this is shared by the Bible where numbers are not meant literally but figuratively. Anyway, some of the practices include certain declarations of belief such as that there is only one God and that Mohammed is his messenger. Another is praying 5 times a day. Another is to fast. Another is to pay alms. And others that I can't recall. It doesn't really matter to me; the point is that the practices are to serve as a constant reminder of an ideal that you are trying to achieve.

As I was listening I was strongly reminded of the appeal of religion. First and foremost is the belief in an idealized being who is perfect in every way. This belief in perfection is very important because it is the measure by which we judge good and evil and that is the ideal to which we aspire. Mormons capture this in their belief that our ultimate goal is to be perfect like God and to eternally progress until we become gods ourselves. While this is heresy to some, it mirrors what I think is a core belief for devout religious people: God is a model of perfection that we try to follow in our lives.

This lead to a realization on my part. I feel like my loss of faith in Mormonism and a personal God has left me somewhat adrift and cut off from the one part of my religious life that I valued. I realized that I still valued that and that there was no need to lose it. The only thing that has changed is a realization that I can't rely on authorities, whether they be sacred books such as the Bible or Koran, or people such as Abraham or Mohammed or Joseph Smith or a pope or a pastor to set my ideals. Those may be useful sources, but I believe that rationalism, evidence, and reason need to be the basis of my ideals. This leaves me free to draw on the strengths of the worlds great thinkers and religions and also to reject their errors. Along with that freedom comes the burden of accepting responsibility for my own beliefs; I can no longer say I believe because of my book or my prophet, it has to make sense to me. I think that religious people vilify atheists because they think that along with rejecting God they've also rejected the ideals that God represents for them. At least in my case, that is not the case. I've rejected some ideals that are unjustifiable, such as that coffee drinking is a sin, but retained others such as that we should treat others the way we'd like to be treated.

In that context, the five daily prayers of Muslims makes a lot of sense, not in a literal sense, but in a figurative way. It is a call to regularly form in our mind an ideal of what we would like to be and then to reach out to that regularly throughout the day in an appeal to try to conform to what we want to be. For me, that would mean to control my anger, to try to have more empathy for others, and to work toward my goals instead of getting distracted. For you it might be something completely different. If God represents our personal ideals, then regularly touching base with those core beliefs throughout the day would seem to be a good thing. I think that for me this would be more a meditation or perhaps some time of cognitive behavioral therapy, but I think it would be a good thing and make me a better person.

The best analogy I can think of in my personal life is weight loss. I have in my mind an ideal body composition that I'd like to attain. I know what it takes to lose weight, but I've only ever been successful when I log every calorie I eat every day. What essentially happens is that the logging make me very conscious of all of my eating. I have limited calories each day and try to make them count. Every bite involves a conscious decision because I have to log it. The goal is my ideal and life becomes a journey of changing my life to meet that ideal. The process takes something that is otherwise impossible for me and sets me on a long term journey of personal transformation.

Anyway, I can now see both sides of Islam. It's very clear that it can be used to justify horrific human behavior. It is equally clear that at least some Muslims are horrified at the atrocities committed in the name of Allah and that they believe that such things are completely incompatible with the true nature of God and Islam. I hope that the latter group grows stronger in the same way that Judaism and Christianity have mostly moved past their violent pasts to become more moderate and compassionate religions.

One last interesting observation was the very Mormon belief of the author that Islam is a superset of all the good of all the religions of the world. For him a good Jew or Christian or Hindu is practicing Islam because they are trying to be peaceful and godlike. To him since there is only one God that he calls Allah, everyone is really worshiping the one true God. This is very like Mormons who believe that all religions of the world have a part of the truth, but the complete and pure truth is only found within Mormonism. The only difference is that he thinks that everyone will ultimately follow Allah and Mohammed and Mormons think that ultimately everyone will follow the Godhead and Joseph Smith. My belief is that they are all wrong and that ultimately everyone has to be accountable for forming their ideals as best they can and trying to live them as well as they can.

Full of It

It seems that when I occasionally post over on RfM my alias is misinterpreted as indicating what I'm full of. It really doesn't bother me since I was raised in a very literalist Mormon household by a father who was a devout John Bircher and lover of unorthodox thinking. So I'm used to being an oddball and an outsider.

But that's not why I call myself Bull. That moniker was applied by one of my employees who loved giving everyone a nickname. The guy with allergy problems was Hack because he was constantly hacking up his phlegm. I became Bull when I showed up at work with a shaved head because I reminded him of the giant, shaved-headed bailiff on the TV show Night Court. I thought it beat the nickname I picked up in junior high (Jimmy, after the peanut farming former president) and I've used it ever since. The nickname probably fits in a number of other ways such as my physique and my direct approach toward handling problems.

World Peace

Contrary to the opinion of my father and other believers, I actually try to keep an open mind and see both sides, especially in areas where my knowledge is limited. So, I'm trying to learn more about Islam because I work with Muslims and so far they all seem very nice, decent, hard working people and not a single one has threatened me or tried to do me harm or, for that matter, tried to convert me to their religion. In other words, they are a lot like most of the people I work with and I'd like to understand a little more about their religion and how they can believe and be peaceful while many of their fellow believers use Islam as a philosophical springboard for genocide and hatred.

I recently finished listening to "The Truth About Mohammed." When I finished I felt I'd learned how Islam is used to justify violence and repression around the world, but I also felt like I'd just read a very one sided polemic. What I didn't learn from the book was what made Islam such a popular religion throughout the world and across many different cultures. The author didn't even make an attempt to show any redeeming value to Mohammed's life or the religion he founded.

So I picked up what I knew would be a polemic in the opposite direction, "Islam and World Peace." So far it is pretty typical of a lot of religious writing in that it consists of a sequence of unjustified assertions that probably seem like self-evident truths to the author, but that quite questionable to me.

The gist so far seems to be that the cause of all of the violence in Jerusalem and the rest of the world is unbelievers and that if all of the believing nations of the world would just expel or otherwise get rid of the unbelievers and follow the law of God then the world would be at peace. My interpretation would be that if we would all just accept the truth of Islam then we'd have peace. That makes sense in a certain way but begs the question about how to persuade the unbelievers to believe. Mohammed started out preaching and trying to persuade, but the only thing that ultimately worked for him was warfare and complete intolerance of other religions. So, does that mean that to achieve peace the believers need to declare war on unbelief and destroy or expel all unblievers? Wait, isn't that what the Islamic terrorists are saying? Now I'm confused again. I guess I'll have to keep listening to the rest of the book.

Transitional Life Forms

Man, Kirk Cameron is a nut job. I was watching Nightline and they had a "debate" between the Christian religionists and a couple of atheists debating the existence of God. The best proof of the atheists was the stretched analogy between a painting and the universe; a painting is proof of a painter so the universe is proof of a creator. They had no good answer to the question of if everything has a creator then who created the creator (i.e. infinite regress). They claim, incorrectly, that most people disbelieve in God because of evolution. Their chief complaint seemed to be the lack of transitional life forms. Cameron put up artistic rendering such as a croco-duck, a bull dog, etc. Humorous, but I think he was being mocking.

The trouble is that these arguments seem to hold sway with creationists which just shows how ignorant they are about evolution and science in general.

Just last week I stumbled into an evolution discussion with a co-worker. I quickly found myself scurrying to extricate myself as the claims became more extraordinary and the lack of touch reality mounted. All this with an intelligent, well-educated, engineer. I was amused when he admitted that the whole point of intelligent design was not to put forward an alternate scientific theory but to use real or perceived holes in scientific knowledge as evidence that there must be a God. He also admitted that it was essentially appealing to magic to explain what we don't understand.

As Dawkins would point out, just because we don't know something or that a scientific theory is disproved doesn't mean that the default belief should be God or some other supernatural explanation. God is such an improbable being that it should require extraordinary proof before being seriously considered at all.

Looking back over the past 1000 years, compare the contributions of science and technology as opposed to religion. Religion, scripture, and revelation have never given us light and knowledge about the universe and its workings. Quite the opposite. Religion has had to be dragged kicking and screaming, resisting all the way, and often denouncing truth as heresy.

Anyway, here are my examples of transitional life forms that will probably never be found in the fossil record. Seriously, look at what has happened to the poor old wolf. All the following animals are very, very close genetically to the wolf at the top and in the case of the Doberman are very recent inventions by breeding. Gene sequencing shows remarkable sharing of genes between completely different species. All of these things are to be expected based on evolution. But, let's say that we never are able to explain how one species evolved from another. Does this automatically mean that they were created or engineered by a creator? Perhaps that does become more likely. But then, how did he do it? Was God really a master recombinant DNA engineer and breeder that engineered the earth with natural means? Or was it magic? Is he truly supremely powerful?

I'll favor non-magic explanations because I see no evidence in the world I know to suggest that magic is real. In fact, nature is continually yielding up her secrets to the questioning of science.

Besides, if God does exist, then he has a lot of explaining to do because his creation is a real mess.




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The Worst Sci-Fi Novel Ever

I pity you if you ever did like I did and tried to read L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction epic, Battlefield Earth. I happened on it in the Rochester, Minnesota public library and started reading it shortly after graduating from college. I made it through the first volume and finally gave up on it. Not only was the language terribly inept, the plot struggled along from one implausible situation to another enacted by characters that were completely unbelievable and unsympathetic.

I'd heard the name L. Ron Hubbard and had seen the TV commercials for Dianetics but hadn't yet learned about the connection to $cientology. Later when I learned more about that cynical, invented religion I remembered Hubbard's clumsy book and about died laughing when I realized that the deepest secrets of the so-called religion were just cheap copies from a poorly written sci-fi novel.

Now I read that Battlefield Earth is Mitt Romney's favorite novel. OMFG! This guy's running for president. This is a standard fluff question for candidates. There are approximately a gazillion possible choices that would be better and maybe a dozen that might be worse and he chooses this one. The sheer ridiculousness of the choice precludes this being a calculated answer chosen by pollsters and campaign groomers so I have to assume that this was an honest answer. Which leaves me wondering how sharp this guy can be.

Hmmm. Just realized that I may have confused Battlefield Earth with the 10 volume Mission Earth series. So maybe I'm wrong. But I doubt it.

Information Asymmetry

I probably spelled that wrong, but oh well. I'm currently reading Freakanomics. Chapter 2 is about the effects of people having different access to information and what happens when informational inequity is equalized by things like the internet. One example is that term life insurance premiums have plummeted in the last decade. Why, because there are very little differences in the products and people are able to easily go to internet web sites to shop for the lowest quote. This cuts off the high pressure insurance salesman and allows people full access to the competitive landscape.

Another example is a Mr. Stetson whose life mission was to combat racism and bigotism. He took on the Ku Klux Klan and realized that because of its secretive nature nobody really knew about it. So he infiltrated it and became a member. While walking in his neighborhood he noticed some kids playing a game where they had secret passwords and the similarity to the Klan struck him. He thought it would be great to expose the Klan as the juvenile, childish organization that he knew it was. So he arranged for the Superman radio show to create a story line where Superman takes on the Klan. This was post WWII so the show needed a new bogeyman to replace the Nazis who had just been defeated. On the show they revealed all of the Klans terminology, secret passwords, and everything else. After the first show, kids everywhere were playing Superman vs. the Klan and using secret Klan passwords, handshakes, and terms. The Klan members were embarrassed and participation at the local Klavern dropped precipitously after a very short time.

The same thing happens in many other areas, but it struck me that the same phenomenon also applies to religions including Mormonism. Mormonism makes many, many claims that would be very difficult to investigate without the internet because the church very early on tries to control all access to information about itself and methodically discredits anything that may make it look bad. The most blatant admission of this is the talk by Boyd Packer, the current president of the church's 12 apostles, that some truths are not particularly useful. What he was talking about were facts that might make people doubt the church's claims.

This is why the temple endowment is so "sacred" that no one is every allowed to talk about it. Almost everyone who hasn't been through laughs in disbelief when they hear or read what goes on in there. It IS ridiculous and shocking in its total inanity so it must be kept secret.

But, churches everywhere, not just the Mormons, are feeling the effects of more equal access to information. Gone are the days where Bibles are in Latin and chained to the pulpit where only priests can read and interpret them and the congregation is illiterate and superstitious.

Refuse to be a Victim

Here's a good link I saw today on CNN of all places.

Ted Nugent (don't laugh) does a pretty good job of explaining what the problem is and what an effective solution would be. He also gives some poorly publicized examples where his solution (the same one I proposed yesterday) has worked effectively. It seems that criminals usually turn out to be cowards when armed citizens confront them and if they suddenly decide to be brave then their criminal careers reach a premature conclusion. I'm hard pressed to see how that is bad.

Endowed With Power From On High

Last month I had the opportunity to meet with Sideon while I was out in California on business. I had a great time and although I typically talked way, way too much, I think he did too. At some point in the conversation it came out that he had never been blessed with the opportunity of going through the temple. So I regaled him with an account of my own endowment session. It was strange then and it seems even stranger now. I can only imagine how it must seem to someone who has never been and never wanted to.

The term endowment comes from the scriptural promise of being endowed with power from on high. Joseph Smith gradually developed a set of rituals meant to fulfill this prophecy. It started with washings and annointings in the Kirtland temple. After the church got run out of Kirtland in the aftermath of the church's bank scandal they no longer had a temple until after they got run out of Missouri and settled in Nauvoo. While there Joseph became a master Mason and soon after had the rest of the endowment ordinances revealed to him. Coincidentally, these ceremonies included many of the secret handshakes and symbols of Masonry.

When I went through the temple the only thing I knew about it was that I'd have to wear garments for the rest of my life. That's it. No temple preparation classes or anything else prepared me for what I was about to go through. I was interviewed for worthiness by my bishop and stake president and promised that although I must have lots of questions about what goes on in the temple I'd have to wait and all of my questions would be answered inside.

Early on Saturday morning the week before I was to enter the missionary training center I headed to the Washington D.C. temple to take out my endowments.

First, I had to buy garments. Yes, you have to pay for the privilege of wearing those uncomfortable underwear that reach to your knees and have funny marks sewn over each nipple, your belly button, and your right knee. In the temple they explain what the symbols represent, but they don't tell you that the symbols come from Masonry.

Next I had to rent my "packet." This was a flimsy nylon envelope about twelve inches on a side that had some more cloth inside. Then I was given a shield and a one piece garment and ushered into the locker room. I was instructed to take off all of my clothes and put on the shield and carry the garments. They meant ALL of my clothes and the shield was nothing more than a very low thread count cotton-poly sheet with a hole cut in the middle for my head. This was the first unsettling thing. You think that a hospital examination gown is revealing? With my first step the "shield" billowed out revealing me in all of my naked glory. Are you kidding me? After 19 years of endoctrination in modesty I'm supposed to go traipsing through the temple buck naked to who knows where?

It turned out that the "where" was at one end of the locker room where they had stalls for the washings and annointings. The original ceremony involved an actual bath tub and being actually bathed by another person, but then it only involved an extremely rushed blessing while I was dabbed with consecrated water (the washing). Then it was on to the next stall where the same procedure was done with consecrated oil (the annointing). Then I was clothed in the garment of the holy priesthood. The man actually held the garments open while I stepped into them and then he raised them up on me. Then it was back to my locker.

Wierd doesn't even begin to describe what I had just been through. Now I got to put on my own new two piece garments and get dressed in all white clothes right down to socks and slippers. They pinned a special name tag on me to flag me as a "live" endowment as opposed to most everyone else who was serving as a proxy for a dead person.

Now I was lead through a very thick curtain into a booth where I was given a new name that I was never to reveal. Only later did I discover that everyone who went through that day gets the same name. The booth exited into the hallway and then we were escorted to the endowment room.

The endowment room is nothing more than a small theater complete with fold down seats. An altar and a movie screen are at the front of the room along with a couple of old people who are the officiators. The altar is covered with cloth; it's not for offering animals or anything like that. This temple had a white rope down the middle that separated the room into a side for women on the left and men on the right.

The session starts with a disembodied voice talking over speakers. The part that spooked me was the following:

If you proceed and receive your full endowment, you will be required to take upon yourselves sacred obligations, the violation of which will bring upon you the judgment of God; <queue very ominous, threatening voice> for God will not be mocked. If any of you desire to withdraw rather than accept these obligations of your own free will and choice, you may now make it known by raising your hand.

At this point I wanted more than anything else to raise my hand and leave. How was I supposed to take upon myself sacred obligations of my own free will and choice when I had absolutely no idea what they where? But, I'd deferred my BYU scholarship for 2 years to serve a mission. I'd received my mission call. I'd said goodbye to my girlfriend. I was scheduled to give my missionary farewell the following day. If I didn't go through with it then I would lose my scholarship and be a pariah in my family and church. It took a huge leap of faith to stay seated when it felt like I was ready to levitate off my seat and out the door.

I now think that the church does this intentionally. Members generally are not allowed to take out their endowments until very shortly before their mission or their marriage. They have no idea what is involved other than that it is required for the imminent milestone. Once you're totally committed you really can't back out without major consequences. Then, once you're in you're bound under the most solemn obligations to "God, angels, and these witnesses." Doesn't that seem a little manipulative and cult-like?

It gets better. The lights dim and a film shows a depiction of the creation and God giving further light and knowledge to Adam and Eve via Peter, James, and John. The packet contains green satin apron embroidered with fig leaves, a flimsy toga that you put on during the ceremony, a white cloth sash, and a really terrible looking masonic cap with a string that ties to the shoulder of the toga. At points you are given secret handshakes and passwords along with a sign and execution of a penalty. The penalties are ritually acted out by each participant while promising not to reveal the handshake and password. "Rather than do so I will suffer my life to be taken." The penalties involve slicing your throat, tearing open your chest, and disembowling yourself. My understanding is that these are copied from the Masonic ceremonies. If you want the details you can read the entire ceremony here. I'll vouch for its accuracy.

In the Book of Mormon the Gadianton robbers are the incarnation of evil who take blood oaths to keep each others secrets. These secret passwords, handshakes, and blood oaths were revealed by Satan to Cain and are revealed throughout the ages to his servants. So, having read the Book of Mormon I wondered how the same types of things would be revealed in the House of the Lord. Now I was really feeling sick to my stomach.

Even more, as naive as I was I knew that you could get copies of the endowment ceremony outside of the temple from non-Mormon sources. Why would we have to promise to give up our lives for something that was openly available? Why would anyone kill for such a thing?

At the end we were presented at the veil (a thin nylon curtain with three holes cut in it) where we received the last password while embracing a man through a curtain who was acting in place of God. After getting the last password we were drawn through the veil into the presence of God and entered into the Celestial room of the temple.

I felt ripped off. I had been promised that when I went through the temple all of my questions would be answered. It had been presented to me like an educational session where I'd be taught. But at no point was anyone ever available to answer questions and we were discouraged from talking at all and when we did it had to be in hushed whispers. The Celestial room was especially holy and was the first chance to say anything, but no one talked in there. So it was back to my locker and into street clothes for a long quiet ride home where no one discussed then or at any point in the future what had just transpired.

Every doctrinal point in the endowment is openly taught outside the temple. The only things unique are the handshakes, passwords, and penalties. The covenants are also pretty straightforward such as the law of chastity and law of consecration. I guess I can best summarize it as a very unsettling let down. In typical Mormon fashion I secretly suspected that it didn't go well because of my own personal unworthiness. Personal sin and guilt are a safety net to explain everything in the church and they are very effective since no one is perfect.

Over the years I returned hoping that I'd catch the spirit of temple worship and gain an understanding and appreciation of it. But I never did. At best I became numb to it and tried to stay awake.

In 1990 our bishop encouraged all the endowed members of the ward to attend the temple. He couldn't say why but promised that it was great. So we went and I was shocked to discover that they'd removed the elements of the ceremony that I'd found most troubling such as the penalties. This shattered me for two reasons. First, I'd been taught that the endowment, like all ordinances in the church, had been given by revelation and was unchangeable. I couldn't see any doctrinal reason for the changes. If it had been correct in 1989 then it should have still been correct in 1990. Nothing in the external world had changed so why would God suddenly alter his most sacred ordinances? This is very similar to the kind of changes in ordinances (such as baptism by sprinkling instead of immersion) that the church uses as evidence of a general apostasy by Christianity.

Second, the things that they'd removed had always seem wrong to me. This seemed like a confirmation and tacit admission by the church that they were wrong. Maybe my gut feelings on that day in 1983 had been right and the church had been wrong. If it could be wrong on something like this, what else might be wrong? If I could expect them to be right about ONE thing, wouldn't it be their most sacred ordinances?

I never went through an endowment again. It took a long time to come to a full realization of the many other lies I'd been taught in the church but I eventually decided to ask the hard questions and research the church's claims. I find that they fail from start to finish.

So, I apologize to Sideon and you if I've bored you with my account. But at least you can compliment Sideon, if you should ever have the pleasure to meet him, on how well endowed he is.

You Know What Pisses Me Off?

The mindless willingness of many people to be a victim and to rely on someone else to protect them. You can probably see where this is going.

Like everyone, I'm horrified by what happened at Virginia Tech. But I'm completely perplexed at the mindlessness displayed by the media and public regarding what should happen in such situations. Put yourself into the situation. You're in French class and suddenly you hear gun shots.

Quick. What do you do?

The only door in the room starts to open and the first thing you see is the muzzle of a gun blocking your only escape route.

WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE!

Please think about it for a moment before continuing. Seriously. If you don't mind I'd like you to comment on this post about what you would do if this happened to you this very day.

My guess is that you'd do what many of the victims did, try to hide or play dead or beg for your life. The only problem is that you are facing a sociopath who hates you and is enjoying the rush and ultimate power of taking life. The only thing that will stop him is running out of bullets or someone physically stopping him.

At this point will you take any consolation in the fact that this is an exceptionally rare event? Probabilities are meaningless for the victims because the improbable is suddenly certain.

Will you dial 911? Will the police be able to respond in time? Not in this case. Even if they were already in the building they will not be able to arrive before many people are dead. Furthermore, they have no legal obligation to even respond to the scene. That's not theoretical; it has actually happened that victims have called 911 and then been victimized without the police ever responding to the 911 call. Even worse, in some instances the police have responded to situations like this and then waited outside the building for SWAT and hostage negotiators to arrive and formulate a plan while the gun man went office to office executing defenseless victims.

I'll be curious to hear your responses.

Here's what mine would be if it weren't illegal.

I'd move behind available cover (desk, table, podium, or whatever is available) and try to get as far away from the door as possible while drawing my pistol and targeting the door. As the gunman entered I'd shout for him to stop and drop the gun. If he started to shoot I'd fire my gun until the threat was neutralized.

I'm curious to know what your response to my action plan is. On a web site today someone asked how many people would have been murdered if someone had been legally carrying a concealed handgun. The predictable response was that there'd have been many more victims since everyone would have started shooting everyone else who had a gun. Do you agree?

Let me point out a few things about getting a concealed handgun license. I had to take a class that lasted over 12 hours that explained the laws pertaining to the use of force and the use of deadly force as well as non-violent conflict resolution. The class instructor has the authority to not sign my training certificate if he judges that I shouldn't carry and has done so for some students in the past. I had to have an extensive criminal background check that went back 10 years. I had to demonstrate proficiency in shooting my gun to prove that I could hit what I was shooting at. I had to be fingerprinted and photographed. I had to pay for the training, the fees, I had to purchase a reliable, accurate gun and also the means to securely carry it concealed. I've continued to train and practice and am comfortable that I can safely handle the gun and hit what I'm aiming at. I carry everywhere that I legally can.

Why? For the same reason I always wear my seatbelt. I'm not paranoid. I think that it's highly unlikely that I'll ever have to even draw my weapon for self defense, much less fire it. But, when victimized by a merciless criminal I'm not going to be a helpless victim. He may get me. But I'll at least have a chance to fight back. I've tried to take reasonable measures to be able to protect myself and my family from dangerous criminals.

When I heard about 9/11, it was very apparent to me how defenseless we normally are unless we take action to protect ourselves. The soldiers in the airport were a silly reaction. All a terrorist would need to do would be to go to a mall or grocery store or any other public place with a large number of people. Even more shocking would be a school or athletic event. We can't afford to have police everywhere so the only reasonable alternative is to have armed citizens ready and able to defend themselves. Realizing this fact I decided to get my CHL and carry.

But, unlike the clueless I get no comfort from the fact that it's illegal for me to carry in schools or churches or hospitals. As this week's and many other events have shown, all this has done is create a target rich environment full of defenseless victims who have been prohibited the most effective means of defending themselves.

What would have been the outcome if a few people like me had been in those classrooms this week?

Given the current laws it would have been the same because I respect the law and wouldn't have been able to put my action plan in place to defend myself and my peers because the laws prohibit CHL holders from carrying on school campuses.

If we had sensible laws then it is quite possible that the loss of life would have been minimized just as has happened in several poorly publicized school shootings that were stopped by armed citizens.

I realize that some people will be horrified by what I wrote above. But I'm equally perplexed at the kind of person who seems incapable of taking responsibility for the preservation of their own life. They think that that's civilized?

The Strange World of Motorcycle Racers

Motorcycle racers have a "unique" view of the world. Only at the track can you hear the following conversation.

"I heard that Troy had a nasty crash off in turn 4."

"Yeah, he had a nasty highside."

"Is the bike okay?"

"They just brought it in on the truck and its fine. Just some scratches."

"Good. Oh, how's Troy."

"Nothing serious. When the bike snapped back it speared him in the nuts so they took him to the hospital to make sure he's okay. Oh, and his hand got caught under the bike and smashed his hand."

"Anything break?"

"Well, it mangled his pinky pretty good. They had to amputate at the second knuckle, but he should be fine for the next race. Nothing serious."

And sure enough, three weeks later Troy showed up at the track and was the fastest rider in the first practice and qualifying session despite losing 2/3 of the pinky finger on the hand that has to support his weight during braking, hang on during acceleration, and control the throttle. Here's a picture of his stumpy finger and his custom altered glove.



I assure you that this isn't a phenomenon unique to professional racers making millions of dollars. I've raced with a partially healed collar bone. A friend race with his pinky finger pinned in place and went around the entire weekend with his racing glove on because once he got it on he couldn't get it back off. Another racer in my club showed up at a race 3 weeks after breaking his thumb with a pin sticking out of the knuckle and proceeded to pull the pin out with vice grips so that he could get his glove on and race.

Injuries are a part of life when you race motorcycles at the limit and "serious" is generally defined among racers as a permanent inability to race. Most veteran racers have broken many bones and many have suffered some kind of permanent alteration to their anatomy such as missing fingers and toes. One racer lost his right thumb and had his big toe amputated and grafted on to replace the thumb. It's all about priorities. You can race without a big toe, but you have to have a thumb to hold onto the handle bar.

You know that the there must be something to it if people are willing to go to such lengths to get back out on the track.

No, Not Funny At All

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:

Exodus 20:4

Once upon a time God gave his law to his people. The commandments were so important that he came down in person and talked face to face with Moses and used his finger to engrave them on stone tablets. The first thing that confronted Moses when he descended the mountain fresh from conversing with God was Israel cavorting around a golden calf that they'd persuaded Aaron, the high priest, to make for them in direct violation of the second commandment. And verily God was pissed.

I'm sure that he is proud then to see the one true church, the only one in which he is well pleased, placing golden statues on top of the temples that it has constructed and dedicated as houses of God. Apparently, the one true church holds these statues in such high esteem that they have actually trade marked them and are willing to sue anyone infringing said trade mark. Or at least that is what CNN is reporting.

Maybe TSCC is hiring Scientology's lawyers...

It Just Takes Time

The clouds teased with a hint of rain and gave the warm air a smooth, creamy texture that seemed to cling to your skin. Slowly the crowds converged on the Congress Avenue bridge facing the Texas state capitol. They came in all shapes and sizes from the trim, athletic Africans to the tall and pondering. The elite athletes could be identified by the numbered yellow bibs pinned to their shirts. They lined up right in front of the red timing mats under the bannered arch that proclaimed the 30th running of the Capitol 10k. With more than 15,000 participants it is the largest 10k foot race in Texas and the fourth largest in the United States.

Only a couple of weeks earlier I debated whether I'd run the race. My left buttock was still strained from the Austin Marathon and made running quickly a painful affair and fast running impossible. But two years ago the Capitol 10k was my first race and I didn't want to miss keeping my small streak alive even if I just had to jog the course instead of racing it. Last week my legs started to show some signs of life and recovery and last Thursday I completed a 20 minute tempo run at a hard pace with only moderate discomfort. I've been afraid that my recovery from the marathon had caused me to lose a lot of conditioning, but maybe I'd be able to have a respectable result.

The 10k is a hard race and I haven't been very successful in lowering my personal record (PR). I ran my best race in October of 2005 and have disappointed a couple of times since then. Today I felt good, but the weather was less than ideal for a fast time plus the Capitol 10k is a tough course with a lot of hills.

The race organizers do an outstanding job each year organizing the runners into different groups based on their anticipated finishing time. I had a blue bib that allowed me to start right behind the elite athletes. The red bibs followed us and then the white and green bibs. Soon enough the horn sounded and the crowd eased forward and rapidly started to spread out heading up the hill to the Capitol. It took over 15 minutes just for everyone to cross the starting line.

My hip reminded me that I had run down this hill just 5 weeks earlier at the finish of the marathon. It ached but I concentrated on keeping a quick, light foot turnover and felt like I was gliding up the road. I was pretty comfortable and I tried to get my heart and breathing going so I could get settled into a comfortable race pace. As we neared the Capitol we turned right and up a steep hill and I passed the first mile marker in 8:17. My heart rate was up to 170 which was right around where I was trying to keep it.

At the top of the hill we turned left toward DKR Stadium, home of the Texas Longhorns football team and then turned left and up another hill. The Cap 10k course has two faces. You head up hill around the east side of the Capitol and then run west across the city and its worst hills. Then it turns back south and goes back down to Town Lake where it heads back east on mostly flat roads before it crosses the lake and finishes at Auditorium Shores. Right now I was trying to control my pace through the hills of the upper part of the course. I missed the mile 2 marker but didn't miss the huge hills that took us down to Shoal Creek and then back up. I leaned forward down the hill and controlled my speed. Another runner was less successful in controlling his speed and pounded past with his feet slapping the ground. At the bottom I shortened my pace and kept a quick light pace. Miles 2 and 3 averaged 8:46.2 pace with an average heart rate of 172.

With half of the race complete we turned left and headed down to the river. The course still threw a couple of short up hills, but it was mostly downhill for the next mile which went by in a quick and comfortable 8:32.8 and an average heart rate of 174.

Now we turned left and ran along Town Lake up a gentle slope. Only a couple of miles were left and I started to push a little harder. I felt good and realized that I was easily running my fastest 10k ever. This was even more motivation to stay strong and I finished mile 5 in 8:42.6 and an average heart rate of 177. The heat and humidity are punishing me now and it feels like steam must be coming off my head. Although this stretch doesn't have any big hills, it is still slightly up hill and despite an average heart rate of 179 I only manage a 8:48.3 for mile 6.

Only two tenths of a mile left and I turn onto the home stretch and try to kick. It's less than 400m and I can see the finish line, but I don't have much left in the tank. I've been running at a high intensity level and apparently I haven't lost my marathon training completely. The last kick was at a 7:40 pace, not blazingly quick, and my heart rate was 187 as I completed the race and leaned on the photographers' tower. I was spent, but it was worth it.

53:26, 8:36 average pace, 174 average heart rate, and an improvement of over 2 minutes over my previous PR. It was a pleasant, unexpected surprise. It turns out that 5 weeks was just barely enough time for my legs to recover and come alive after my marathon. I'd been worried that I hadn't recovered and had also lost my conditioning. It turns out I haven't lost much. Now I can look forward to the rest of my spring races.

As I walked with my wife back to the car I thought about how the arduous training of a marathon has made a 10k seem easy by comparison. I think that a lot of life is like this. As we push ourself and explore our limits we get stronger. Despite injuries and setbacks, if we persevere and persist then we can accomplish lofty goals. But almost more importantly, the strength we gain carries over into other aspects of our life and former challenges become more manageable and no longer seem so daunting.

I'm not particularly fast and probably won't ever be, but I'm still proud of being able to set challenging goals and meet them. I hope that I can carry the lessons learned over into other parts of my life.

What Have You Been Reading?

Over the last month I've continued to listen to audio books. I've finished:

• The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt
  
• The End of Faith, Sam Harris
• Letter to a Christian Nation, Sam Harris

When I get chance I'll give a little review of each one because they all have some excellent points.

Is It Really Worth It?

As I stagger through my calorie deprived days, I regularly wonder if it's really worth it. It's not just that I get hungry, it's the fact that eating only makes me less hungry. Even on the weekends when I succumb to temptation and go over my budget I find that it just gets the gastric juices flowing in anticipation and the resulting hunger is even worse.

So far despite being pretty good about my diet I'm not seeing many results. To make it worse I've started running again and I feel like I'm more sore than right after the marathon. My left hip is sore, sore, sore and running and stretching don't seem to be helping. I have the Capitol 10k next Sunday and I really haven't been able to resume running much less training. The marathon took way more out of me than I ever expected and I'm afraid that the dieting isn't doing anything to help me recover.

Anyway, I've dropped about 4 pounds out of 20 and am looking forward to hitting my goal even if it doesn't go as quickly as I want.

Evangelical Christianity

An excellent post by Lemon Blossom really made me think about the roots of religion and why people feel such a need for it. It seems like it revolves around the very sound marketing principle of getting people to feel a strong need for something that they'd have otherwise never wanted. And what is that thing? Salvation from unimaginably awful eternal torment for sins inherited, past, present, and future whether actually committed or only imagined in the mind. Without that guilt and that fear, what is the need of the metaphysical aspects of the religion?

If a person can improve and live a bountiful life by purely secular means, and I know they can and many do, then religion is really the answer to a problem that doesn't exist. Enter evangelical religions that urgently try to convince you of your need to come to Jesus and be saved. But I don't need saving. Heck, I don't want saving. I want to actually improve those aspects of my life that are broken. Can they do that? I don't want a god that forgets my sins because I'm willing to kiss his ass. How would that make me happier? Would such a god even be worthy of my worship?

So, is it good to consider your actions and work to improve them? If you try your best to do that throughout your life, then why would a just god require you to bow down to him. Wouldn't a good life be the best and highest worship possible? Why would god require anything else? And, if I can do that without suspending disbelief for lack of evidence, then why would god care?

First Run

I went out for a run for the first time in two and a half weeks this morning. It feels like it's been years. My butt muscles are still sore and stiff, but other than feeling lethargic I felt good. No watch, no heart rate monitor, just a peaceful morning jog with the dogs on a beautiful crisp morning after walking with my daughter to school.

My primary goal right now is losing weight. I'm limiting myself to about 1800 calories a day whether I exercise or not, so my running will probably be pretty limited for a couple of months. I'm down to about 224 right now and trending to about 215 by the end of May according to DietPower. We'll see if I can't get it trending to my actual goal of 200.

In the meantime I plan to just run for the joy of running.

Aspirations

In the linked post is a list of "new commandments." I'd have commented there but the verification phrases no longer show up in Firefox so I can't comment on blogger right now. Anyway, here's my comment to that post.

Those are all good and seem to focus on how to peacefully coexist. I think that what is missing is a concept from Mormonism that I rather like: eternal progression. I don't think we should be content with the status quo and should strive to improve not only ourselves but the world around us. For me, godliness or divinity is manifest in the need to create and organize. In that regard we can all truly aspire to be gods.

The opposite of that quality is the dark side of humanity that is destructive and seeks to tear things down.

Did Prophet Joseph Profit?

Mormons often claim that Joseph suffered non-stop persecution for his role as founder and leader of Mormonism and that no fraud would have been willing to suffer all of those persecutions while receiving no benefits. They can point to the fact that he and his family filed for bankruptcy in the early 1840s and that when he died he left his family deeply in debt and destitute. Why would he suffer so much privation in order to perpetrate a fraud? Even reputable historians such as Richard Bushman have claimed that Joseph never gained anything from his position as Mormonism's leader and that he had nothing to gain.

The first biography of Joseph Smith I read was Fawn Brodie's “No Man Knows My History”. In order to check her facts I read “Joseph Smith: The First Mormon” by Donna Hill, a faithful Mormon. Other than the interpretation, I found that Hill confirmed the facts of Joseph's life. As I was reading it struck me how often Joseph received material support based on his position as the Book of Mormon translator and then head of the church. In fact, it struck me that he never supported himself or his family and was always dependent on others for his livelihood. The last time he truly worked for his own support was right after he married and his father in law gave him a plot of farmland to work. But he quickly gave that up for his Book of Mormon translation and started receiving support. This completely contradicts the apologists claims that he didn't profit. In fact, his role as prophet was the only means of support that he had ever had as an adult. The following are just some examples from notes that I kept as I read.

• $50 from Martin Harris to move to Harmony
  
• House and land from Isaac Hale in Harmony
• Samuel Smith tilled land and did labor while Joseph translated
  
• Food, shoes, money from Knight.
  
• Got $200 from somewhere to pay mortgage to FIL Hale.
• Transport to Fayette, NY.
• Room and board with Whitmer family while translating.
• $3000 advance from Martin Harris to publish BOM.
• Transport to Kirtland.
• Room and board in Kirtland with Whitney's.
• Met two of his future wives living in that household.
• Revelation for a house to be built for the Smiths. Cabin built by Isaac Morley on his land.
• September 2, 1831: Moved in with John and Elsa Johnson in Hiram, OH 36 miles south of Kirtland. Met Nancy Marinda Johnson, age 16 (future wife). Rumors of improper conduct with her may have contributed to tar and feathering by some of Johnson boys along with fear for their inheritance.
• Law of consecration required members to sell or deed property to the church of which Joseph was the sole trustee.
• Sexual access to young women: Fanny Alger, etc. Most prominently displayed in Nauvoo but started very discreetly much earlier. (Rumors were already circulating in Kirtland and required denial). Most church historians now agree that Alger was probably Smith's first plural wife in Kirtland.
• Emma spent summer of 1832 shuttling between several homes while Joseph went to MO.
• Lived briefly with Johnsons again on return.
• Lived in 3 storage rooms above Newell Whitney's store. Emma made money by keeping boarders there. Emma began lifelong practice of taking in domestic helpers, usually young women who did household work in return for room and board. (I wonder if Joseph encouraged this or perhaps even suggested it. Did he and Emma have an arrangement?)
• September/October 1832 traveled to NYC to get loans. Who paid for this? Traveled with Newel K. Whitney so probably him. Bought goods for a store which he ran into the ground. Did his leadership position allow him to get loans? How else does a landless, unemployed man get extensive loans?
• Power: Made commander-in-chief of the Armies of Israel. Best armed with a big bulldog, a pair of brass-barreled horse pistols with silver fittings, a fine sword, a rifle, and a horse.
• 1836 trip to Salem, MA to find treasure in an old house.
• 1836: Eliza R. Snow boarded w/ Smiths. Again curious that a later polygamous wife boarded with the Smiths in Ohio.
• Bought river boat in Nauvoo, threw large parties.
• 1842 bankruptcy: $73,066.38 in debts (over $500,000 in today's dollars).
• Many wives in Nauvoo. Initially other mens' wives, teenagers, older women.
• Anointed king.
• Presidential candidate
• Mansion house started based on revelation and built with church funds.
• Master mason
• Nauvoo house
• Red brick store: another unprofitable business funded at church expense
• Trips to St. Louis to buy goods
• Carriage and horses for Emma.
• Lived like a king in Nauvoo with extensive civil as well as religious power.
  
• Able to pick winners and losers in local political elections.

This is just a partial list, but it is clear that Joseph's livelihood was completely dependent on the church. He couldn't just quit and give it up because he didn't have any independent means of support, didn't seem inclined to participate in labor such as farming, and was a very poor businessman as evidenced by several failed businesses that he ran and the failed bank that he founded in Kirtland.