After the Mormon church edited its temple endowment ceremony in 1990 to make it more politically correct and less offensive, I strongly questioned the truth of the church. If the highest ordinances were revealed to the prophet from God, then why would those truths need to be removed in order avoid offending people? How is this different than the signs of apostasy that Mormons point out in other churches such as the practices of baptizing infants or baptism by means other than immersion. The Mormons are very precise in their ordinances. Both baptism and the sacrament have revealed prayers that must be said word for word. The endowment is the same and must be said word perfect. So, isn't changing of saving ordinances a clear sign of apostasy?
I was stuck and didn't know how to reconcile this apparent contradiction with the teachings of the church. I also didn't believe that prayer was an appropriate way of answering my questions since the best it could do would be to make me feel good about a clear contradiction. Frankly, it didn't work and I knew that no amount of prayer could make 1+1=3.
But I stuck it out for 13 years and lived a life of schizophrenic belief. I could drop into my lifelong TBM personality and completely suppress my doubts, but when I was alone my doubting Thomas personality reasserted itself with questions that didn't have answers.
Then a couple of years ago I ran into an article about an anti-Scientology website that was being sued by the $cientologists for revealing their most precious seeeecrets. I couldn't resist going to see what they were so intent on hiding from the uninitiated. What I found was ludicrously funny. How could any person believe such amateur sci-fi psycho-babble brainwashing?
And then it suddenly clicked in my mind. Wouldn't other people see Mormons the same way? I wondered what was out there about Mormons that the Mormon church didn't want investigators to know. So I hit Google and within an hour I realized that the doubts I had harbored for 13 years were valid. I found a rich harvest of facts that showed that the Mormon church had systematically lied to me for my entire life in order to keep me a member and to use me for its own purposes.
So, what did I find out there on Google? Two sites were particularly useful to me. The first was the Tanner's web site at Utah Lighthouse Ministry. Of course, I had heard about the Tanners. They are famous Anti-Mormons and as a Mormon I thought I knew what that meant. It meant that they were bitter liars that couldn't be trusted and that took isolated statements and events out of context and twisted them to their own means in order to attack the church and members with weak testimonies. I was surprised that that didn't seem to be the case. In fact, I discovered that they seemed to be quite cautious in not overstating their case. They didn't seem to distort or misrepresent Mormon beliefs and teachings. Instead, they did a good job of documenting what the church had taught and done in the past and how the church has consistently changed and evolved its teachings in order to further its designs. So I recommend:
Utah Lighthouse Ministries
Another link that I found very helpful was the ExMormon web site. At first I looked at exit stories and discovered that those leaving the church weren't the caricature that Mormons perpetuate of people that had weak testimonies or that couldn't hack it in the church. In fact, many seemed very much like me. They were thoughtful people that reached the conclusion the church wasn't what it claimed and that it wasn't meeting their needs. Then I lurked on the bulletin board and confirmed that these weren't all a bunch of nut jobs. In fact, many were very thoughtful and reasonable. It was comforting to know that I wasn't alone. It was very comforting. You need support and affirmation or else leaving your religion can be a very lonely and difficult journey. The ExMormon web sites help provide that support.
ExMormon Web Site
Recovery From Mormonism Bulletin Board
I spent a lot of time on those web sites initially and became aware of a number of books about Mormon history which over time I purchased and read. I've posted a partial list of those books previously.
Another web site that I found was the Mormon Alliance. This web site documents examples of spiritual and ecclesiastical abuse by the Mormon church and proposes changes that should be made in the church to prevent its leaders from misusing their positions of power and trust to harm the members. This web site has many sad, but compelling stories. If you believe that the church isn't harmful then you should check out this web site. It pretty clearly shows how harmful it can be to those that don't conform to Mormon ideals.
These web sites were key in helping me realize that my doubts about the Mormon church were justified and gave me further evidence that, in my mind, is insurmountable. The Mormon church simply is not what it claims to be and only perpetuates itself by systematically lying and distorting the truth.
I've included these links and others on on the right. So, if you are interested then please explore. Just remember to keep an open mind.
For balance I've also included some links to the Mormon's official web site and their most prominent apologists and defenders. I would also encourage search there for responses to the damaging information on the above web sites. You may be surprised that the church won't officially respond to most of the information. When it does you'll find that its responses are very weak. Further, I think the strongest evidence against the church are the disreputable and often obscene and dishonest responses of its apologists. But that's just my opinion.