I was up until 3:00 am working so I'll be brief today.
I've been feeling a strong sense of melancholy lately and Joseph's Left One sort of put a finger on it with a poem he posted yesterday called "19." I'm realizing that something was stolen from me that can never be returned or regained. I'm grieving for the experiences and opportunities that I missed because I focused on being a faithful Mormon. I'm grieving for how I judged and looked down on people who weren't as "smart" as me and able to see the "truth." I'm grieving for how it has shaped my personality in undesirable ways.
I really can't do anything about it but move on and live life as best I can. But even that path is littered with pain as the path that my life is taking separates from the path that my wife is on. We've never fought much and keep our feelings inside, but the signs of tension are there. The "Coffee Brewer Incident" is part of a larger pattern where small items take on a larger symbolism for the changes that are going on that one or the other of us don't want.